The parents of disabled children deserve praise

I was not alone, I know, in being challenged by the Paralympic Games. Seeing “disabled” people who can outperform me physically in just about every way led me to think through what I believe about ability and disability. It’s too simplistic, though, to say we are all just “differently abled” – that is only part of the truth. What distinguished the athletes was an absolute commitment to excellence in their sport, to the extent that I was brought close to tears by apologies for “only” getting a bronze medal.

Coincidentally, while the Paralympics were on, I saw the live screening of the National Theatre’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time.

Mark Haddon’s excellent novel explores, in the first person, the experiences of Christopher, a teenager with high-functioning autism, and shows how his world view differs from that of the other people he meets.

By necessity, the adapted play, by Simon Stephens, shows Christopher, his parents and other people interacting, and gives us, the audience, the chance to stand outside and observe how limiting, and limited, “normal” ways of seeing things can be. Christopher’s parents – who split up under the strain – are well meaning, but with limited success. Others, including police officers, also try but, largely, fail.

The one success is Siobhan, who teaches Christopher a range of strategies for coping with the incomprehensibility of life. The story ends with Christopher passing A-level mathematics and arriving at an agreed way of living with his parents.

The story is, of course, fictional, and Haddon makes no claims for detailed accuracy. But both the book and the play give powerful accounts of what it is like to be an outsider.

While all parents find that having children is life-changing, the commitment shown by parents of children who are differently abled or disabled is awe-inspiring, whether or not the young people go on to achieve athletic or academic success.
As a society, we must value and support these parents – they are the unsung heroes.

John Freeman CBE is a former director of children’s services and is now a freelance consultant