THE SITUATION
Kelly is 14 and in foster care. Her mum and dad split up when she was 10. It was a distressing break-up caused by domestic violence, including sexual attacks on her mum. Kelly has not seen her birth dad since. Until recently, she lived at home with her mother, new step-father and two younger half-sisters. But six months ago, Kelly accused her step-dad of sexual assault. Her allegations were fully investigated and the police were involved, but there was absolutely no evidence he had harmed her in any way. Her mum was furious and accused her of seeking attention and being jealous of her siblings. The breakdown in relationships at home lead to Kelly going into care. She is finding it hard to settle in her foster home. She is angry and confused. How would you help her?
THE RESPONSE
The social worker: Lucy Kimber
I'd build a positive relationship with Kelly through regular visits. It would be good to see Kelly outside her placement too. She's clearly suffered much emotional distress and will feel a mix of emotions about having a new family.
Coming into care is more challenging for older children who are established in their family home. Some counselling or art therapy might help Kelly address her feelings and emotions towards her family and look further into the allegation she made.
In Southampton, there's a Strengthening Families service that Kelly and her mum could attend to help rebuild their relationship. Kelly might benefit from a support worker to get her involved in positive activities to raise her self-esteem and confidence.
The police appear to have dropped Kelly's allegation. I'd check if the other children had been spoken to and ask about the step-father's history. It is important for Kelly to know there are people to help, support and advise her. Our role is to try to keep families together if it is safe.
Lucy Kimber is a social worker in the children and families division, Southampton City Council
The counsellor: Sharon Chapman
It's understandable that Kelly feels angry and confused, so I'd reassure her those feelings are normal.
Talking things through with a counsellor may not make her situation change immediately, but it may help her understand and come to terms with her feelings towards her family. Her family life to date has been very complicated.
I'd see what Kelly wanted to address first. I'd seek to draw out some positives. She and her mum went through a lot but have come through it. That shows resilience. Kelly may feel pushed out and that she is "the problem". Maybe she does want attention, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
I'd wait for Kelly to bring up the allegation of sex abuse. It may be that her step-dad did something inappropriate in her view, even though the police found no evid-ence. What does she feel about it now? What about her real dad? How does she feel about men? Sex and relationships? Family?
Her early experiences may have influenced how she feels and acts as she approaches her own sexual maturity. Hopefully we could move on to working with her family.
Sharon Chapman is a family and young person's counsellor for Relate
The domestic violence worker: Heidi Miles
I'd initially make a thorough assessment of the background of domestic abuse. I'd speak to other agencies involved with the family at the time and to her mum. I'd try to get a full picture of what her experiences were and how she feels now. I'd do some one-to-one work with Kelly, building her self-esteem and exploring her identity, issues of loss and support networks. It would be beneficial to work with Kelly and her mum together.
Domestic abuse can undermine the relationship between the non-abusing parent and child. I'd want to know if they ever talked about what happened. It may well be a taboo subject. Kelly may feel she was abused herself or may want to disclose something that happened to her. Often children feel abuse is in some way their fault.
Part of my work with Kelly would be to explain that she is not responsible for what happened. She may feel isolated and her behaviour may be linked to ongoing distress. Kelly's mum may want to draw a line under it, but for the sake of her daughter may have to confront the past.
Heidi Miles is a children's services practitioner for the NSPCC's Liverpool Domestic Violence Team
The foster carer: Stephanie Walsh
When a young person comes to stay with me, I don't judge them on what I've been told or the paperwork. Often you only get part of the story, so I'd sit down with Kelly and explain I know a bit about her circumstances.
I work with a lot of young people who exaggerate and tell lies. It's usually because they're desperate to fit in or be accepted. Kelly has a new step-dad and younger half-siblings. Younger children demand more attention while Kelly is probably seen as more grown up. She probably has felt left out.
Accusing her step-dad of sexual assault meant she was suddenly the centre of attention. Young people who crave attention often don't mind whether it is negative or positive. My priority would be to make Kelly feel welcome and wanted. I'd try to get to know Kelly and find out what makes her happy. At the same time, I have extremely clear guidelines and boundaries in terms of behaviour.
I might do some work with Kelly and her mum or just her parents to help them understand how to relate to her and manage her behaviour. I'd like to see her go back home.
Stephanie Walsh is a specialist youth carer for Central Bedfordshire Council
The child psychotherapist: Jenifer Wakelyn
I'd try to understand as much as possible about Kelly and her birth family, working as part of a multi-agency team. This means going right back to Kelly's parents' childhoods to try to establish what has gone so wrong.
It could be the family is repeating a pattern where one person is identified as "bad" and pushed out. Perhaps the family now identify Kelly with her dangerous father and so she's been rejected. Often when children and young people have experienced trauma like domestic violence their feelings get into a big muddle.
Part of my job is to help untangle those feelings. Kelly may find it difficult to separate out feelings like jealousy or interpret other people's behaviour. She might benefit from one-to-one therapy. But children in care have to deal with lots of different professionals and it may be too much for her. A key priority would be to work with other professionals to support Kelly's foster carers to help them understand Kelly's behaviour and the kind of support she needs to help her settle.
Jenifer Wakelyn is a child and adolescent psychotherapist at the Tavistock and Portman NHS Trust
