Once upon a time: a care leaver's response to the John Lewis advert

A colleague and a friend, almost simultaneously, sent me a link to this year's John Lewis advert. It broke me. I cried so hard. Only for a short burst, then I got back to work , obviously. But, wow. Ow. Is it possible for a heart to break and heal at the same time? Maybe.

So context, I grew up in care, with plenty of bouncing around foster placements before a period of kinship care with family members, before being pulled out of a bad situation I shouldn't have been in and showing up on someone’s doorstep just like the girl the advert, minus the skateboard. I had a guitar instead, because I’m very lucky. I had a thing too, and that really helps. Also, it was spring.

• John Lewis: Sector praises Christmas advert ‘showing what good care should look like’

Over the past few years, I’ve found some sense, on and off, of community with other people who’ve grown up in care. Partly through some projects, particularly facilitating the Young People’s Network of care-experienced young people, along with some really intense and enlightening interactions on Twitter where people who cared about us or had experience of being in care came together to talk, and I realised - it’s not just me. We have so much in common.. It's not my fault. It can’t be my fault, if we’re all having such similar experiences.

This advert has really elevated this sense of community among care-experienced people for me. I’ve been chatting and reading Twitter threads, and the overwhelming narrative is that we feel seen. Yes, it’s mainstream. Yes, it’s not perfect. And yes, it might hurt some people who’ve had different experiences of social care to mine. But, the people who made this advert really thought about it. And more importantly, John Lewis put their money where their mouth is. It’s not rhetoric. It’s not jumping on a vulnerability to draw an emotional response and get some sales. It’s not trying to raise awareness without anything else behind it. They are doing tangible things for care-experienced people. They’re making donations to support christmas events and experiences for care leavers, and they’re providing at scale employment and skill development opportunities.

This is how it’s done. This is how you elevate the voice of an underrepresented group and have their back. This is how you be an ally, rather than another white saviour. It feels like a big step, on a longer journey of real understanding around the nuances of this stuff that an advert just can’t do.

More than anything, that advert, that’s out on mainstream television to millions of people who won’t have even considered young people being without a family at christmas, or what it’s like showing up on some strangers’ doorstep, alone and terrified, shows a look in the eyes of the actors that demonstrates discomfort and pain. It’s not sugar coated with immediate joy and love because someone bothered to care a bit, so suddenly it’s all fixed (nor does it portray me as a character that’s a villain or hero because no-one hugged me as a child). I know the journey they’re going on.

And it made me feel so seen, that a grown woman who is long past all of this stuff on the surface, felt exactly like I did in that moment on the doorstep of a strangers house with a guitar and rucksack, hoping for a home. I broke down in tears at my desk this morning, and I’m okay with that.

Thank you for helping me to feel okay with that.

Chloe Juliette is a care-experienced social researcher and facilitator. Chloe is a senior researcher at What Works for Children’s Social Care, leading on qualitative inquiry and research ethics. Chloe is a passionate and active member of the care experienced community, having recently facilitated a care experienced young people’s network to set their own agenda and deliver three research projects alongside a series of podcasts, and is now a member of the Spokesperson Network run by Sounddelivery Media. Twitter:@clohesion Website: chloejuliette.com/