Ask the Experts: Listening to the voice of the child

Question: "As a local authority children's services department, we have worked hard to listen to the "voice of the child". How do we know if we have done enough?

Peter Lewis: Only you and Ofsted can judge that. But it would be hard to do too much.

No doubt you meet looked-after children regularly. What difference does that make? Do you feed back what you learned and, crucially, what you did? You should be meeting regularly with local members of the UK Youth Parliament and your youth council. Be consistent. Meet, listen, discuss and debate, take away young people's priorities and report back. Write to them or invite them to get involved in planning the next steps.

School councils can be a great way to engage with young people. Write to each one in your area and ask them for their opinions on key issues. Feed those back to head teachers and governors and commission them to make changes. Ensure your local Healthwatch group makes an effort to focus on children and young people's needs.

Involve the local media and your local authority's communications team. There is so much you can do - try it all.

Peter Lewis is a freelance providing interim local authority children's services leadership, and a former DCS in Haringey

Question: The mother of two members of our youth project has killed herself. How do we support them and their dad?

Tracie Trimmer-Platman: These two young people are going through an awful time and need maximum support including talking therapy and general family support.

You should be working with other agencies to ensure they are getting the help they are entitled to. Their situation has changed dramatically. Not only do they no longer have a mum but their dad will also be grieving. They will inevitably have many unanswered questions about what happened.

The Samaritans have done an enormous amount of work around suicide in families and are an obvious source of help and guidance in this case (www.samaritans.org). Check out the Alliance of Hope, which supports people following the suicide of a loved one (www.allianceofhope.org).

You may also need to do some work with fellow youth group members, who could be a valuable source of peer support, but may well be uncertain how to handle the situation.

Tracie Trimmer-Platman is senior lecturer in youth and community work at the University of East London

Question: I'm working with a young person in foster care who has begun to question his sexual orientation. His foster carer is struggling to support him. How can I help?

Jeanie Lynch: Young people in care need specific support to ensure their journey into young adulthood is healthy and informed, especially around sex and relationships.

National organisations including Barnardo's, National Children's Bureau and fpa provide training and resources for those working in social care, including children's home staff and foster carers, designed to give them the knowledge and confidence to address sensitive issues.

You should find out what support is available locally. The council should have a sexual health policy for young people in care and this is likely to include training for social workers, foster carers and others on working with young people questioning their sexual orientation. In addition, foster carers can access support from the local fostering team. There may be local LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) youth organisations that can provide support in a safe and confidential environment.

Jeanie Lynch works for Barnardo's and has 25 years' experience of working with vulnerable children and families

Question: How do I teach empathy to children at my nursery?

June O'Sullivan: Empathy is about getting children to see things from each other's point of view. Show the way by creating an environment of kindness and understanding, starting with a supportive settling in process.

Children spend a long time in nursery and there will be times when they get cross with each other. Some nurseries have "golden rules" to help children manage their relationships.

Your role is to help children listen to each other, hear what is being said and reflect on the impact. Talk about how their behaviour has made their friends feel sad. It's important to use appropriate language. Books such as Not Now Bernard, When Mum Turned into a Monster and Goldilocks and the Three Bears can be useful to help them see things from other's perspectives.

Have roles and responsibilities throughout the nursery day to help create an empathetic environment - serving at lunchtime, helping tidy up, preparing snacks or getting an older child to buddy a new arrival.

June O'Sullivan is chief executive of the childcare charity and social enterprise, the London Early Years Foundation

Email questions, marked "Experts", to cypnow@markallengroup.com