How can you support the son of a foster carer who is jealous of a new addition to his family? A social worker explains how important it is to ensure the needs of a carer's own family are not neglected.
A few months ago, after much searching, we finally found a long-term foster placement for a ten-year-old boy in our care.
In many ways, the placement has been a success and has led to the boy making excellent progress at school. However, the carer's own teenage son has had a negative reaction. He has complained about having to share his bedroom with the foster child, and he is now spending more and more time away from home, staying at friends or grandparents.
The foster carer feels committed to the foster child and wants to continue providing the long-term care that the child desperately needs. But, at the same time, the carer knows her son isn't happy. In short, the carer feels torn between the foster child and her own son.
How should we respond to this? We have no alternative long-term foster carers available, so moving the child from this placement would almost certainly result in a series of short-term placements.
This is clearly not the outcome we would like to see. Social services have a duty to try to ensure consistency and security for the foster child but we also have a duty to support and look after our foster families and help them make the right decisions for all their family.
Our response to this dilemma has been to spend time talking to the foster carer's son. The children of foster carers often feel they don't have a voice so it is important to give them the opportunity to say how they feel.
We are also looking at whether we can build in some regular respite with another carer, so that the foster carer can have more undivided time to spend with her own family.
Finally, we are considering whether the furniture in the boys' bedroom can be rearranged to give more privacy and individual space to each boy. For instance, we could pay for a room divider or extra furniture.
Hopefully, by taking these steps, we can ensure that the placement works.
But if the teenage son continues to feel jealous we will have to look at other arrangements. When it comes down to it, the foster carer has got to put her own child's needs first and shouldn't feel guilty for doing that.
- Have you ever faced a tough professional choice? Call Stovin Hayter on 020 8267 4767 or email stovin.hayter@haynet.com.
