Abuse and neglect are the main reasons today why many children in the care system need an adoptive home. The early trauma of those experiences can often result in severe emotional, behavioural and developmental difficulties that do not respond to ordinary parenting and love.
In my role with the adoptive parenting charity Adoption UK, I read of and talk daily with people coping in extraordinary circumstances with children who are so mistrustful and frightened they cannot give love back to their adoptive parents. These children struggle to maintain the control that may at one time have kept them alive.
Parents are left to deal with unusual and difficult behaviours that may include lying, stealing, urinating and defecating around the house, hoarding food, self-harm, self-loathing, and aggression. The most common response they may find if seeking out help is "all children do that" or "give them time to settle".
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