Reading between the lines: Children’s miscues and how to make sense of them

Did you know that this kind of communication is sometimes known as a miscue? A ‘cue’ is when we share directly with others how we feel inside, but a miscue is when we outwardly communicate something different to how we feel inside.

There are lots of reasons why we might miscue a need: possibly you don’t know the person well enough to trust them with your feelings; or maybe you prefer not to dwell on difficult feelings because it’s so uncomfortable. As an adult, you’ve likely learned many different coping strategies.

Children, even very little children, can miscue too. Like adults, what they communicate to the outside world might appear quite different from the feeling inside. Unlike adults, little children need their important adults to help them understand, process and manage feelings. If a child is miscuing their emotional need, then it’s harder for adults to know what the child is feeling and what help they might need.