Supporting children and families with a parent in prison: advice for professionals

Be patient. Having a family member sent to prison, no matter what the circumstances, is traumatic. This is true whether the family is relieved or heart broken. Children often blame themselves. More than anything, families in this position need kindness, patience, and a non-judgmental approach. Those who would benefit from support might not be ready to accept it but may change their mind at a later date. Let people know you are there and check in from time to time to make sure they know the offer of help is still on the table.

Check what the child knows. In many families, parents and carers choose to tell children that their parent in prison is “working away from home” or similar stories. Research suggests children normally cope much better with the truth but it’s important to respect the family’s choices and not push them too hard to explain things fully until they feel ready. Specialist services can only really work with children who know their parent is in prison. Children need to know professionals will tell them the truth from the start. Not doing so risks adding to their confusion and makes them more likely to mistrust all professionals.

Make support groups easy to access. Think about timing – school holidays and half terms generally work best – and venues with good transport links and access to parking. For some families you might consider trying to raise money to cover the cost of a taxi; this might not be affordable all the time but could be the difference of someone who is vulnerable attending or not. You might consider offering a support group for children in one room and one for adults in another room; or give parents/caregivers the option to drop off children and collect. They might really value some time to do other things while your give their children your much-needed support.

Empower families. Everyone’s experience of having a family member in prison is different. Some go on prison visits; some do not. Some can’t wait for release day; others might dread it. Some children have mothers in prison, some have fathers in prison. The children and families you work with are experts in their own experiences and it is important to recognise this. The Child Impact Tool Kit developed by the Prison Reform Trust is an excellent resource that supports children to express their feelings and wishes including who they would like to support them. www.prisonreformtrust.org.uk

Create a safe space. Everyone needs to feel safe attending a support group. It is important to create a relaxed atmosphere with a cuppa and biscuit or two on offer. Codes of conduct will help everyone, including staff and volunteers, feel at ease. Make sure both children and adults understand there are expectations around confidentiality, kindness, respecting differences, respectful language and so on. One important “rule” is that group members do not ask one another about the crimes that led to a loved-one going to prison. This can be upsetting for those who are not comfortable discussing such matters.

Factor in fun. Sessions will cover serious topics and discussions must be led with sensitivity. Expect tears as people start to feel comfortable to discuss traumatic events, grief, worry and shame. However, both children and adults also need the lighter moments; fun and positive experiences will allow them to heal. Raising money for trips to the theatre, bowling alley or theme parks is a great way to bring your community together. Laughter, happy memories, and a chance to forget daily struggles are a powerful factor in a person’s ability to cope and recover.

Further advice and training is available at www.timemattersuk.com