It may sometimes be hard to remember but the England striker is only just out of the youth service age range and in a not-so-different parallel world he would be going down to Interchill in Speke to use the drop-in IT provision, and turning up at Weston Spirit's Lime Street offices to see if there are any of those residentials he can go on.
One of the telling phrases in the reporting of Rooney's alleged gambling escapades was that he was angry and upset that nobody had taken him aside and told him to go easy and not chase his debts (Radio 4 types will already be hit by the parallels with grumpy Ambridge vet Alistair Lloyd who is up to his oxters in poker debt with wide boy property developer Matt Crawford).
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