A social worker shares the dilemma of whether to take the children intocare, taking into consideration the mother's track record and the factthe father is still attempting to stay in touch.
Men who abuse their families control them powerfully and can beextremely manipulative.
We recently worked with the mother of a group of children who were beingsexually abused. She had known for years but said nothing.
She even remained silent when one of the older children, who had leftthe household, spoke out about the abuse.
Her mother and siblings denied it. So at the time, no one believed herand people thought she was suffering from mental health problems andthat it was part of having a breakdown.
However, when the younger sisters disclosed what had been happening, themother cracked and admitted what had been going on. She had known it washappening day in, day out, for years, and said nothing.
So when we came to discuss the case, we didn't know if she would bestrong enough to protect the children from the father.
Though the father has left the family home, he keeps trying to contactthe family. He's yet to be arrested and it's likely that he'll try andcome back again.
The children are desperate to stay at home. In spite of what they'd beenthrough, they still feel they are their father's "special girls" and aresuffering from the trauma of him leaving.
It has led to them becoming extremely distressed, and wetting theirbeds.
One of their father's threats was that they would be put into care ifthey said anything.
It was incredibly difficult to judge whether the mother would be able tostand up to him but we decided the children should stay with her. Shewill have support on a range of things, including parenting and mentalhealth as she once took an overdose. We'll also have to assess her. Atthe moment, we don't know if she was actively involved in the abuse andcollaborating with the father. We have to think about it as apossibility.
But we think it would be too traumatic to separate the children fromtheir mother with their father already gone from their lives.
We always worry if our response is as traumatising as the abuseitself.
But I think in this case we made the right decision.
- Have you ever faced a tough professional choice? Call Stovin Hayter on020 8267 4767 or email stovin.hayter@haynet.com.
