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In the news - An alternative take on the week's media

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Teachers turned cowboys when a herd of rebel cattle invaded a Northamptonshire school. "The animals caused havoc on the school grounds, churning up the playing field, eating apples and leaving cow pats across the playground," reported the Northamptonshire Evening Telegraph.

The cows had broken in from an adjacent field through a broken fence and their crimes included trampling Halloween pumpkins made by pupils at Broughton Primary School in Kettering. "I was in a meeting and someone came to get me, saying there was a cow on the grounds," head teacher Claire Shortt told the paper. "When I went out there were 15. They were charging up and down the field and headbutting each other. It was quite violent. If it happened 15 minutes later, 196 children would have been outside and could have been trampled."

Staff tried, but failed, to herd the cows back into the field until a helpful farmer came to the rescue. "As police arrived, he was busy tempting them back home with food," said the Evening Telegraph. It seems the creatures got off scot free. Surely their unruly behaviour at least merits a detention.

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