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I must admit I was a bit surprised to hear that a new survey had named Southend-on-Sea as the best place in Britain to retire.

Not as surprised as The Daily Telegraph's Leo McKinstry, who described the thought of retiring to Southend-on-Sea as the "British equivalent of exile to a Siberian salt mine".

Apparently our pedestrianised town centre and low council tax were two important factors that helped the borough come out top in the survey, which was commissioned by Yours, the over-fifties magazine that shifts a staggering half a million copies each month.

Researchers also took local house prices into consideration, along with our weather, violent crime rates, the availability of NHS dentists and, perhaps most predictable of all, waiting times for hip replacements.

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