Ask the Experts - Teaching toddlers not to steal

I think a child at my nursery is stealing. He is three and keeps taking small items home. Mum brings them back the next day, but is embarrassed. He is told it's wrong, but he continues. What should we do?

According to leading developmental psychologist Jean Piaget, children's moral compass is linked to cognitive development. Children up to age four have a limited concept of rules, so this little boy may find it hard to understand what the fuss is about. We know stealing is wrong, but does he?

At this age, children believe everything is theirs and their idea of belongings is limited. Why is it a problem to take one thing home when he is given other stuff to take home? He may be really attached to the items he takes or they may have significance just for that day. Transporting things back and forth may be part of how he sees and understands the world.

It's possible he has little to play with at home so talk to mum about that. There is the sad fact some children live in households where stealing is the norm. If he is learning it at home, it will take time to make him understand the different rules at nursery.

June O'Sullivan is chief executive of the childcare charity and social enterprise, the London Early Years Foundation

Finding a new director of children's services is hard, but adverse comments from the government are making it even harder. As a lead member for children's services, what can I do?

Let's face it, it's not an easy job and too few people appear to want to do it. Whatever you think of what the government says, do you really disagree with what it wants - higher attainment for pupils, vulnerable children to be safer, schools performing well, young people better prepared for work in an ever shrinking world? Of course not.

The underlying message is right, but the delivery often leaves much to be desired. When was the last time you saw a positive press release from on high about a director of children's services or a local authority?

We all need to give out the positive messages that encourage good people to stick with the task and step forward to take it on.

A "rewards package" for a director of children's services isn't just about money. It is about support, belief in their ability to do the job, and the systems and resources to meet the challenge, plus a grim determination to see it through together. Great leadership is a shared enterprise.

Peter Lewis is a freelance providing interim local authority children's services leadership, and a former DCS in Haringey

As a youth worker, I'm constantly surprised and disappointed by the lack of respect and understanding the general public have for our line of work. What's the solution?

You don't say how long you have been a youth worker, but I guess you might be new to the profession. Those of us involved in youth work for 30-odd years have experienced endless disappointment and misunderstandings about what we do and whether it has any benefit.

One issue is the fact we rarely manage to articulate our role clearly enough in order to gain more practical or financial support. However, new job titles like "youth support worker" and "youth mentor" are helping because they are easier to understand.

Often young people who benefit directly from good interventions are among the best advocates and champions of youth work. But the profession must stand up for itself.

Do not despair. Instead learn to educate others about the work you do and how it helps the young people you work with. Check out www.indefenceofyouthwork.com for more comments, argument and advice about how to champion the cause.

Tracie Trimmer-Platman is senior lecturer in youth and community work at the University of East London

I am working with a 12-year-old girl who has started to self-harm. She cares for her mum who suffers from depression and tells her it is hereditary. What should I do?

The fact a 12-year-old is self-harming is alarming. This is a complex situation that needs a multi-agency response.

Firstly, this girl is a young carer and will need support. Are there any local services that specifically work with young carers? Secondly, it sounds like mum is not getting the mental health support she needs.

This girl may be self-harming in response to the situation she finds herself in. The responsibility and pressure, not to mention this idea she may be facing a future of depression, is a huge weight to bear.

Set up a Common Assessment Framework meeting, ensuring all the key people are there including health, child and adolescent mental health services, education and social care.

This way, the needs of the whole family can be assessed and supported.

Jeanie Lynch works for Barnardo's and has 25 years' experience of working with vulnerable children and families

Email questions, marked "Experts", to cypnow@markallengroup.com