"Finding you is the best thing I've done in my life." Sue Elliott'swords to her dying birth mother sum up the barely contained emotion inthis beautifully crafted book about being adopted in the UK in 1951 andtrying to come to terms with it ever since.
The experience of being adopted, knowing nothing about your birthparents throughout your childhood, then searching for them as an adult,finally to be reunited, is now a well-trodden path. I've been down ittoo. This book buzzes with lost and found stories, yet it has enoughtheory and comment to interest professionals as well as all of us wholive all our lives inside the adoption triangle.
Elliott's descriptions of the sea changes in thinking about adoption inthe last century are evocative. A child cannot now be placed foradoption unless all the facts and emotions of her or his former life arepreserved in letters, reports, photographs and a life story book. WhenElliott and I were adopted over 50 years ago, a clean break waspreferred, with all links severed. I wonder how many of today'streasured theories will be looked back at in the next 50 years withastonishment that we could have got it so wrong. The smart thing ofcourse would be to skip a generation in our thinking and introduce whatwill be needed in 2050 now.
I would have liked to hear more of Elliott's feelings for her birthfather, as reference to what he might have been like is almost anafterthought, and the book's focus on the history of adoption could havebeen strengthened by saying more about adoption today. One in threechildren in long-term care is not found a placement. And two in fiveadoptions of older children break down.
Reconstituted families may be in the majority within a generation, andthe impact of so much change on children's attachments is beingunderstood better with recent findings from neuro-scientific and biopsychosocial research. There's always another book waiting to bewritten.
- Reviewed by Anthony Douglas, chief executive of Cafcass, chair ofBAAF, and visiting professor at UEA
Love Child: A Memoir of Adoption, Reunion, Loss and LoveBy Sue ElliottVermilion308ppISBN 009190179014.99
