It was Zilbergeld's sensible and readable book that helped fill that gap. I'm not sure how widespread its impact was, but, in my little corner of Reading at least, it was something of a revelation. Here was a non-patronising deconstruction of the fantasy model of sex - relentlessly portrayed from DH Lawrence to pornography - that leaves so many feeling insecure and inadequate. It debunks countless myths and helps men to think about what works for their own bodies and about real sex with real women (it doesn't attempt to address the specifics of gay sex).
A key message was if you get sex right in the head, your body is likely to follow. The idiom is American, it's pre-Aids and some of its practical exercises are a little off the wall. I don't think 19-year-olds today are any more likely to sit down and "write a letter from your penis on 'how my owner mistreats me'" than we were in 1979. So while it may not be the first book on sex to give to a young man, for anyone looking to draft sessions on sexuality with young men it's still a mine of good sense. Women, I'm told, find it most enlightening.
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