In any work around anger it is important to:
- Validate the right to feel angry and explore the physical and emotional signs and symptoms of anger with young people.
- Look at a range of emotional responses to situations and develop skills to recognise these in both themselves and others.
- Consider the consequences of aggressive behaviour, both positive and negative.
- Acknowledge issues such as loss of face within peer group and potential legal consequences.
- Consider additional support needs that young people may have.
ASSERTIVENESS QUIZ
Aim This quiz looks at the difference between being "assertive", "passive" and "aggressive".
You will need:
- Copies of the quiz (see below)
- Pens
How to do it Hand out a pen and a copy of the quiz to each young person. If you know that some group members will struggle with this, suggest they form pairs.
Introduce the quiz. You want the group to tick the response they feel would be closest to their own reaction in a similar circumstance. Most young people are familiar with this style of quiz from youth magazines, so will need minimum support.
Once everyone has finished, ask the group to come together. Read out the questions and the answers and ask the young people to keep a tally of how many "As", "Bs" and "Cs" they have ticked as you go through the sheet.
Finally, ask the group to see which letter they have ticked the most. Read aloud the paragraphs below to see where answers fit. Stress that no one needs to share their score but encourage feedback. Do they agree with the quiz? How easy is it to say what you want? How can you be assertive without being aggressive?
ASSERTIVENESS QUIZ
Look at the situations and responses below. Some are "aggressive", some are "passive" and some are "assertive". Which sounds most like you?
1. In class, your teacher accuses you of something you didn't do. Do you:
- Say nothing and avoid speaking to the teacher again. (A)
- Say nothing, but stay behind after class and explain you didn't do it. (B)
- Shout 'It wasn't me!' then walk out - no one talks to you like that. (C)
2. You are in a café and the burger and chips you order is served cold. Do you:
- Shout at the waiter and demand to see the manager - how dare they serve you cold food? (C)
- Just cover it in ketchup and eat what you can - you feel embarrassed to say something and it is very busy in the café. (A)
- Ask the waiter to come over and calmly explain that the food is cold and that you would like him to replace it. (B)
3. You go to your doctor with a health concern, but you don't really understand what she tells you. Do you:
- Say thank you and leave - you can always check it on the internet. (A)
- Ask her if she can explain again as you didn't understand it all. (B)
- Tell her that the visit has been a waste of your time. (C)
4. You go to the family planning clinic to get some free condoms. When you get there the person you usually see isn't there. Do you:
- Take a deep breath and tell the new person what you want. (B)
- Go home - take a chance until the person you know is there. (A)
- March over and demand the condoms - you know your rights. (C)
5. You are waiting for the bus and someone pushes in front of you. Do you:
- Say nothing; they may have a go at you. (A)
- Tap them on the shoulder and politely explain that there is a queue. (B)
- Shove past when the bus arrives and stare hard at them if they look like saying something. (C)
6. Someone you fancy compliments you on your appearance. Do you;
- Move in close, wink and tell them they look pretty good too! (C)
- Blush, look at the floor and then walk off. (A)
- Smile, make eye contact and say thank you. (B)
7. Your best mate keeps borrowing money and not giving it back. She wants to borrow another £10. Do you:
- Tell her that although she is your friend you can't lend her any more. (B)
- Give it to her - she may not want to be your friend if you say no. (A)
- Tell her the bank is shut. No way. (C)
8. You discover that your sister has found and read your diary. Do you:
- Tell her how angry you are - your diary is private and you feel that she has shown you no respect by going through your things. (B)
- Scream, shout and threaten her with violence - she deserves it. (C)
- Tell your mum - she can deal with it. (A)
MAINLY As
You don't always need to go along with everyone else. There is nothing wrong with being you and making your feelings and opinions known. You need to look at ways to give clearer messages that reflect what you really want.
MAINLY Bs
You are comfortable with being "assertive", while remaining sensitive to other people's needs. You expect people to respect who you are and offer respect back. Make sure that you maintain this even when things get difficult.
MAINLY Cs
Steady on. You will find that people are more ready to listen to you if you give them space and look at other ways to get your message across rather than getting angry and loud. You may be right but no one will listen if you don't calm down.
SHOWING ANGER
Aim To explore passive, aggressive and assertive behaviour and consider alternative ways of expressing feelings.
You will need
- A flipchart sheet with a drawing of a thermometer on it
- Post-it notes and pens
How to do it Divide the main group into threes. Ask each small group to discuss soap operas they watch and the way that the actors portray feeling angry. Encourage them to think about behaviour and consequences. Then hand out Post-it notes to each group and ask them to write the name of a soap character on each one. Good examples of very visually angry characters are Phil Mitchell (EastEnders) or David Platt (Coronation Street).
Now, show the young people the Anger Thermometer you have put onto the wall. Explain that the thermometer is a continuum, with Passive at one end of the scale, through Assertive to Aggressive at the far end. Offer these broad definitions to help:
Passive Not expressing your own feelings or saying nothing;
Aggressive Asking for what you want or saying how you feel in an offensive, threatening or angry way;
Assertive Asking for what you want or saying how you feel in an honest and respectful way that does not affect another person's safety, dignity or well-being.
Next, invite a member from each group in turn to place their soap character onto the thermometer in the place that they think best defines the character's behaviours. Encourage the young people to explain their decisions and ask them if they think the character gets what they want as a result of their behaviour. Consider alternative ways that they could reach a positive conclusion.
FROZEN PICTURE ACTIVITY
Aim This activity is for small groups to look at volatile situations and identify triggers and possible outcomes.
You will need
- Four photos depicting young people in aggressive or angry situations
- A flip chart and markers
How to do it Divide the young people into groups of three or four and hand each group a picture. These could be news cuttings or even film posters for action movies. Explain that their task is to devise a role-play that explains what is happening in the picture.
The small groups should then, in turn, share their scenes with everyone else.
After each performance, the young people should try and identify what made the characters angry, what the early warning signs were that the situation was escalating and then consider alternative ways that the situation could have been handled to avoid conflict. This should include the option of walking away.
Record these ideas on flipchart paper after each performance.
Finally, start a discussion that reviews the anger-management techniques suggested from the role plays and that considers how these could be used by the young people in a real-life situation.
THAT MAKES ME ANGRY
Have a look through the following and tick those that you consider personal anger triggers:
- Someone telling me lies
- My feelings being ignored
- Feeling disrespected
- Someone borrowing things and not giving them back
- People not believing me when I am telling the truth
- Someone shouting at me when I don't think I deserve it
- Losing my purse/school bag
- My ex going out with someone else
- My favourite team losing an important game
- Being ignored when I try to speak
- Someone making an unkind personal remark
- Someone challenging my behaviour in public
- People not doing what they say they will
- Others being late
- Seeing someone being unkind to an animal
- Bullying
- Having things stolen
- Being physically threatened
- Being blamed for something I didn't do
- Not winning in a game
