Jade, who has completed the 18-month Pause Programme, which is an intensive, relationship-based programme that supports women to build a more positive future for themselves and their children, shares her experience:
‘As a child, I grew up in kinship care and now, as an adult, two of my children are in separate kinship care arrangements, which means in general this subject is interesting to me and important likewise to many others. From my experience, the most positive part of kinship care is still being able to have a relationship with my children- to be a part of their lives still and watch them grow up. I find that knowing the carer yourself on a personal level can be a good thing, especially if you can build a positive relationship with them, as it is your child who benefits the most. It has allowed for me and my children to bond and for them to still trust me. The fact that they know who I am and that they can contact me when their carers allow them to brings me comfort on the days where things aren’t so easy.
‘I see kinship care as being a big happy extended family, where I try to support their carers and their carers support me too. Of course, with everything there are positive and negative sides. Kinship care does produce its fair share of challenges! For instance, if there is conflict on parenting styles, routines or clothing for example, the kinship carer does have the final say. For me as a birth parent who has face to face monthly contact, this can sometimes bring difficult feelings to the surface, which I’ve learned to manage already.
‘Another challenge is around contact. I have court ordered face to face monthly contact and weekly FaceTime calls, which were agreed between me and their kinship carers after the case was shut by social services. While this arrangement is court ordered, contact is ultimately controlled by the carer and if they want to reduce it, they can. In my eyes, I don’t consider this fair on the child and anyone else involved, as it disrupts routine.
‘One thing I would like everyone to know about kinship care is - yes, it is challenging, but on the flip side it can also be rewarding. It’s all about how the birth parents and the carers work together in the child’s best interests. I think that an open, communicative relationship is key because your child’s wellbeing is at the heart of this arrangement and is the most important thing. One last thing I would add about kinship care is that there is a lack of support out there for birth parents. Once the social worker shuts the case, you and the kinship carer are left to your own devices, someone supports the kinship carer but if there isn’t a charity or service in the area, such as Pause, to support you, it leaves quite negative consequences.’
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Jade has completed the Pause Programme. For more information visit: https://www.pause.org.uk/
