Finding the perfect match...

I've done a lot of thinking about Tim Loughton's recent suggestion that the current emphasis on ethnic and cultural ‘matching' is a barrier to adoption, and his belief that if this emphasis was ‘relaxed' more children & young people would have the opportunity to experience good quality family life. Because his comments contribute to a debate that raged during my time as a social worker - continuing when I was involved in training and tutoring the next generation of social workers. And rage it did, because the placement of children with parents who don't share the same identity raises such complex, even political issues that it's really difficult not to take a fixed position.

Not surprisingly, it touches on very personal issues and experiences. As the mother of a son with a Cuban father, who would have been described over the years as ‘mixed race' or ‘dual heritage' I've been acutely aware of how the world sees and responds to our difference, and the impact this has had on our lives. So I can't just go along with Tim and agree that love conquers all.

But at the same time I hope that we won't just dismiss his argument, and close the door again on such important questions about meeting the needs of this group of children and young people. And I'm not only concerned with those who might be placed for adoption. Shouldn't it be just as important to think about developing a positive self-image and having a good understanding of your own identity if you grow up in foster care? Yet, in my professional life I saw too many ‘short-term' placements made - where ethnic and cultural issues were not even considered because the child would be moving on soon. Then, several years later, when bonds had been created and sometimes when the carers felt they wanted the child to become a permanent part of their family this could suddenly become an issue - resulting in pain and disruption for everyone involved.

So rather than simply saying that this is all very complicated - let's start talking about it. Even if it is difficult and there are no easy answers. And let's start by asking some of these children and young people about how they feel. I go back to my son who is now 18, and despite my best efforts currently has no interest in Fidel Castro or any other aspect of his Cuban heritage - preferring Manga and Japanese culture. Is that healthy, or something else I've done wrong? I do know that he does have a strong sense of who he is, and is very able to express his views. And that makes me happy. Even if his politics are closer to Tim's than either I or his father would have wished...