Incompatible. So Bishop Joseph Devine, president of the Catholic Education Commission and Bishop of Motherwell, has declared. The Scotsman newspaper reported his belief that a new charter for schools drawn up by the Church would "prevent gay teachers from getting jobs in Catholic schools or gaining promotion if already employed".

The bishop is doing a fair bit of off-piste interpretation on this. The charter states that all staff would be "expected to support and promote the aims, missions, values and ethos of the schools".

Since the bishop thinks that homosexuality is "a lifestyle that is incompatible with Catholic social teaching", he thinks that means a ban on gay teachers.

But this would be illegal. The Rev Ewan Aitken, education spokesman for the Convention of Scottish Local Authorities, said: "Local authorities would never countenance discriminating against a teacher because of sexual orientation. Councils would be in court in seconds."

Judith Gillespie, of the Scottish Parent Teacher Council, described the bishop's views as "very sad".

Who could have imagined that the modest subject of school dinners would hit the headlines so forcefully? Press and TV have promoted the concerned views, not only of the Prime Minister and the Education Secretary, but even Jamie Oliver himself. Wicked.

But few newspapers noted that Labour's children's manifesto contains more than pukka school tucker pledges. The Education Secretary also promises action on cigarettes. Launching the mini-manifesto last week, Ruth Kelly said: "A third-term Labour government will legislate to introduce new penalties on shopkeepers selling cigarettes to children, to make it easier to have a fast response to shopkeepers who flout the law, and a permanent ban on selling cigarettes to those who do so repeatedly."

Something rings a bit false about this. It's called a children's manifesto.

So you'd think children and young people had some hand in drawing it up.

But is it likely that children and young people came up with the plan of shutting down cig shops? Could it be that, despite its name, it isn't a children's manifesto at all?

Perhaps young people should devise a politicians' manifesto. It could proclaim their commitment not to make up manifestos on behalf of other people without asking them first.