- The Mirror needed a headline for its news story on the "first ever" guidance for schools on domestic violence. The leaflet, published by the National Union of Teachers and praised by the Home Office, suggests ways for teachers to address the issue across the curriculum.

The guidance points out that at the heart of most domestic violence are attitudes towards women and girls that regard them as inferior to men and boys. So naturally enough there is emphasis on schools' work on gender stereotypes, on mutual respect in relationships, and on challenging the condoning of domestic violence.

There are suggestions for work on school culture and the prevention of bullying. The advice, Silence is Not Always Golden, covers work on homophobic and racist abuse, as well as sexist bullying.

Faced with all this, what did the Mirror come up with? "Kids ban on Vicky swearing". In case that didn't mean much, it was explained in the opening sentence. "Schools are clamping down on sexist swear words used by real life Vicky Pollards." For those who were still none the wiser, the Mirror explained: "The teenage slob from BBC's Little Britain is famous for calling her mates 'slag' and 'lezzie'."

These were on the list of sexist language and playground banter that the guidance suggests might help legitimise violence against women. But how come the whole of a thoughtful and important work was distilled into this caricature of a "teenage slob"? Perhaps it was the Mirror's contribution to International Women's Day.

- There is a Baby Lab at the University of Surrey that carries out psychological experiments on children from the age of four months. Children's rights extremists dressed in balaclavas mount acts of sabotage and send letter bombs to the homes of staff and shareholders. Just joshing.

The aim of the Baby Lab's current study is to find out which colours babies prefer. By monitoring their reactions to colours on a monitor, researchers determine which colours grab babies' attention more.

Why? So that parents can be told which colour their baby prefers. This will help in choosing how to decorate babies' bedrooms. Presumably the idea is to pick colours they can't stand. This will encourage them to shut their eyes and go to sleep. Cunning.

- "Whether or not the banning of pencil cases is the right answer I'm really not sure at this stage."

That was the response of the National Union of Teachers to the news that a head has indeed registered pencil cases on the prohibited items list at her primary school in Denton, Greater Manchester.

Here's a tip that might help the NUT out of its stage of uncertainty.

If banning pencil cases is ever the right answer, there is something seriously wrong with the question.

SOUNDBITE

"I think the chief inspector has gone off the rails on this one" - National Association of Headteachers' general secretary David Hart on Ofsted's plan to send mini school inspection reports directly to pupils.